Me Uncle Mick

The following conversation was recorded via NoseyBarman.2.
This equipement can be located at any public beer dispenser in Eire.

MRB: How are the boys? Give us a pint Sean.

DOOLEY: Good day sir, its been many a day since I laid eyes upon your good self. Have you been ill?

MRB: Not at all. Well the auld stomach has been sore but nothing unusual there. No sure Ive been staying down at CoolStrand.

DOOLEY: CoolStrand?

MRB: CoolStrand. Me Uncle Mick lives down there. Ah sure you wouldnt know Uncle Mick would ya?

DOOLEY: I regret that I cannot say I do.

MRB: Oh a great man. Strong as an ox still, and he sixty years of age, and missing his kidneys, his liver and all his teeth. I tell ya one thing, that man knew hardship.

DOOLEY: Alas, he was born in different times. A different country you might say.

MRB: Aye. Sure he used to plough fields for days at a time, never stopping for a break or a bit of grub. When the horse got tired, he would untie him and pull the plough himself. Sure dont I remember seeing him there nights, naked as the day he was born, pulling the plough in the moonlight.

DOOLEY: Incredible.

MRB: Done his bit for the country too. Whenever the UVF boyos got too close to our side of the border, Uncle Mick was there to give them a good boot up the hole.

DOOLEY: A true patriot son of Erin.

MRB: True. And didnt he and the lads like him make the celtic tiger?

DOOLEY: From how you describe him, I would agree with your statement.

MRB: Anyhow, Uncle Mick was busy down there. He had some of his many contacts from the political and business worlds down for the weekend.

DOOLEY: Really?

MRB: Oh yes, Uncle Mick is a well known player in those circles. Hes also a patron of the arts.

DOOLEY: An amazing gentleman.

MRB: So there were the boyos, all sitting in a semi circle around Uncle Mick. Uncle Mick was leaning against the fireplace with a brandy in his hand, as hes prone to do.

DOOLEY: Indeed.

MRB: Uncle Mick was telling the boyos what was needed to save the country. Hes some patriot me uncle Mick.

DOOLEY: Pray tell, what were his conclusions to the nations problems?

MRB: Well if ya give me a minute. (orders more beer) Uncle Mick suggested to the boyos that the banks would have to start lending money again.

DOOLEY: But surely sir, the banks will not risk such a venture.

MRB: Ah sure, Uncle Mick reckons the government could lend the banks the money, by increasing their revenue.

DOOLEY: By raising taxes no doubt. Or prehaps by cutting the over indulgent state benefits?

MRB: God no. Uncle Mick has a better idea. We'll invade England.

DOOLEY: ah.

MRB: Uncle Mick says they owe us an historical debt. And what with them bogged down in Iraq, their defenses will be weakened. They'll never see us coming.

DOOLEY: Incredible.

MRB: Sure Uncle Mick is a genius.

DOOLEY: When will this historic event take place?

MRB: Ah they're fundraising now. Theres a function in Kiltooley on Friday Night. Theyll disguise it as a charity do of course. You'll buy a ticket.

DOOLEY: Amm

MRB: For the cause?

DOOLEY: Of course.

MRB: And one for the wife?

DOOLEY: Yes.

MRB: Tiocfaidh ar La auld friend.