St Patrick, Fionn McCool and the first wheel
"Eh, Im going to save you sometime and skip the boring bits of Irish history. If ya want to know about monks and stuff, ask Rev. Van Mizenhead. So here is a condensed catch up of Irish history, from pre history to the dark ages.
Eh onegood religious man was St Patrick. In the years before Christ, St Patrick led a vast army of elves, hobbits and men, and drove all the orcs out of Ireland. Eh theres something about a ring too but I forget. I saw a right documentary on it the other night, but I was scuttered. Eh on the beer all day with the dull auld lord. Every year, sometime in March or april, we celebrate Paddys day, to commemorate him getting the Orcs out of Ireland once and for all.
Another good fella was Fionn McCool. In 62AD, he invented the GAA, and with the help of other founding GAA greats, Red Hurley, Cute Cullen, Hugh O' Neill and Blackie Connors; invaded England. It was a complete disaster. As soon as they landed in Fishguard, Fionn got drunk, Blackie got arrested and Red Hurley got crabs, ehah nah nahh!
Shortly afterwards, Cute Cullen invented the wheel. He used it to travel around Ireland, selling hurls and spreading complete bullshit stories about himself. Eh he was a good republican too mind. Another pint Sean!"
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