Down the pub

I was down in the dirty dog last night and the bullshit was flowing as fast as the pints. (Pretty fast considering the dirty dog has the highest ratio of alcos for any pub in Ireland.) All the brains of the parish were there, and a few outsiders too, on tour for the bank holiday. The conversation flowed from GAA talk, to politics, to religion, to weather or not ya would give Mary Harney one. Then the topic turned to the dreaded recession.
This has surely been discussed at length in every pub in Ireland, but had remained an obscure subject here in Crackmanan. After all, during the great heights of the tiger, over half the residents of our little parish were signing on the dole. We considered it our birthright. So I guess unemployment is only a dirty word down here if you mention it in a sentence with 'FAS scheme'. So the recession was brought up in our humble little abode, by an outsider no less, mr John Harper from BallyO.
Well we have some of the finest philosophers who have ever graced this fine earth drinking in the Dirty Dog. Theres Hawk Ivor, The Dull Auld Lord, Tiberius Mahone, Dev McDaid and Funky McGuire, the Alcoholic travelling folk singer,, to name but a few.
Anyway, Mr John Harper says, "Aint it a pity how the auld thing went, what with the unemployment and the young lads stuck with the big morages."
"Well I tell ya one thing Mr John Harper", roars Hawk Ivor, "Theyve only themselves to blame."
As always the collective nod their heads in unison and total agreement with the Hawk.
"Whos to blame?", Mr John Harper asks.
He should have left it.
Hawk slams his near empty pint glass against the counter, a sign that he is mad, and also that he expects someone to buy him another.
"The bloody government, thats who. Letting those lads in here."
"Oh", says Dev McDaid, "its the poles that are to blame"
"Not Poles", Hawk answers, "but Pole. There was only one that brought down the Tiger. One Pollack bastard"
"Hold on", says I, "Are you suggesting that our boomtime economy fell not because of mismanagement or greed, but due to the actions of a single man?"
"No, the actions of a single POLE"
We sit in silence to ponder these revelations. A gasp of shock and outrage is issued by the Dull Auld Lord....or maybe he just threw up.
"You see men, a Pole by the name of Hans Torobalotovic killed the celtic tiger. I wont go into details, because ya probably wouldnt understand. Eh, sure the same fella brought swine flu to ireland."
And there you have it. Maybe Hawk did go into details later. The fact is, I got drunk as a skunk, and cant remember nothing until I woke up in the bath this morning.